Somehow I Ended Up Fighting Zombies...

I was searching through my unpublished entries for something to post today and I found this and added some illustrations.  I wrote it way ba...

Isabelle

I haven't posted in a couple days because I'm too sad to be funny.  My pet rat, Isabelle, passed away last night after a heartbreaki...

I'll Sell the Shit Out of Your Tacos

I just found out that I'm pretty much an expert at making advertisements.  I saw an ad for Taco Bell and I was like "That ad doesn...

Dinosaur

Boyfriend and I were sitting innocently in our living room, watching a movie.  Then I heard a sound like grinding metal coming from outside ...

"M" is for "Moderation" and "S" is for "Stop Ruining My Childhood with Your Social Consciousness!!"

Apparently cookie monster is on a diet.  Instead of being like "Yay cookies!  I want to eat all the cookies in the world and then turn ...

LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I'M WATCHING MY PROGRAMS!!!!!

The beginning of the week is hard for me.  After not writing on the weekend, I always feel like whatever I do next has to be legendary to ma...

Hi. I'm the Internet's Leading Expert on Unicorn Stabbings

The keywords people use to find your blog or website on Google are very important to your success on the internet.  According to StatCounter...

BOXES ARE SO FUN!!!!!!!

You know when you look back at your childhood and ask yourself "how sure am I that I wasn't retarded?  I'm pretty sure, right? ...

There's a Lesson in Here Somewhere... I Think it's "Don't Kill Your Girlfriend's Pet Unicorn"

Last night, I dreamt that I had a pet unicorn.  And then Boyfriend killed it.  When I woke up, I was still kind of mad.  Boyfriend was like ...

Why I Don't Use a Radio Alarm Clock

Because waking up to "Mambo Number Five" by Lou Bega feels like being stabbed in the face with music. UPDATE: Just because I feel...

Disappointment (UPDATED)

UPDATE: As of this morning... This happens several times a day.  I'll be like "maybe I'm famous now ..." and I get all ex...

Trust Me, You'll Want Your Dead Goat Back...

Remember when I told you guys that I was feeling hyperactive and it was kind of like being tied to a chair and injected with speed and made ...

Hi. I'm Energetic Today!!!!

I haven't written in a few days.  I was trying to be sneaky about it, but you may have noticed. I recently made the "decision...

How to Stick to Your New Year's Resolutions and Also Accomplish Lots of Other Things

This year, I'm going to trick myself into accomplishing my New Year's resolutions.  I've come up with a bunch of easily achievab...