Boyfriend Would be a Headless, Dignity-less Torso Without Me and That's a Really Disturbing Title Now That it's 3:00 AM

I may have mentioned that I am nocturnal now.  I go to bed sometime around 5:00 AM and I wake up at noon.  I do this because I am afraid of ...

I Could Give This Post a Snappy Title, OR I Could Just Tell You That it Contains a Picture of Me With No Pants On. You Will Probably be Terribly Disappointed.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and talk to myself as a kid and say "guess what?  You grow up to be a rapist!" just to fu...

Land Sharks: Why We're All Fucked. *UPDATED*

I wrote another topic post for Cracked.com today.  Because I desperately need money and famousness.  And maybe I can get a real job there so...

Women Are Not Bears

I wrote something for Cracked.com today. I originally intended it to be an advice piece about relationships and communication because that t...

Twitter is Dead to Me. So I Gave it twAIDS.

I normally wouldn't post something like this because I'm classier than that and I have dignity, but sometimes I just post stuff beca...

Don't Ever Fall Asleep Watching "Land of The Lost"

I think that I might finally have Swine Flu. I'm all achy and pokey.  Most doctors don't understand what I mean when I say I'm f...

How to be Happy, Reclaim Your Youth and Also Vanquish a Centaur. *Hint*: Bacon is Involved

In the world, there are things.  Some of them suck, some of them are awesome and some of them are just okay.  Some of them smell/taste like ...